sharks

I love to swim.

I hate sharks.

Against all odds and rational thought, I am positive that one might wiggle up through the pipes and bite me on the tush when I have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'm sure that if I am submerged in water, be it the bathtub or a pool (even kiddie size) that Jaws is for sure going to eat me alive. Even in the shower, if my eyes are closed and my face is in the water, I have a Jaws flash, jump and quickly wipe the water out of my face.

Dig got me in the pool at the gym some months ago...he outfitted me with a new suit, goggles and ear plugs. Let me tell you, the goggles made the perfect blue water easy to see all the way to the deep end and the ear plugs made it sound like some Jacques Cousteau PBS special from the 70's. I freaked, almost inhaled half the pool and sprinted to the shallow end. Haven't been back.

Usually I can prepare myself and still enjoy a swim in a pool, IF I can see the bottom. Can't swim at night or in the ocean or a lake. I am capable, but would die of fear, not drowning.

I even tried to get an image of Jaws for this post and back clicked so fast when the search results came up....can't do it.

I don't know if most people know why they have a certain phobia, but I know. My mother can't swim, so when I was little and we hung out by the pool a lot, she'd tell me Jaws was going to get me if I went to the deep end. Also, someone decided it would be a good idea to get me a Jaws coloring book when I was like 3 or 4...nice. That stupid book with it's life like picture of the beast was on the floor by my bed one morning and I couldn't get out of bed for a very long time. Those are just the things I can remember.

And now, the people I love, namely Digger and Spanky, find much comedy in my affliction. Last week was Shark Week on Discovery...imagine the fun they had with that. Here's my sweet six year old proclaiming "Look mom, it's your best friend!" in a taunting voice. Ugh. Oh and they watched more Discovery that week then normal for sure.

One good thing came from stinking Shark Week...Spanky picked up a new line. He was playing Wii with another boy his age and winning big time. This boy was whining as much as Spanky was winning. I'm about ready to tell the boy he can't play if he keeps acting like that, when I hear Spanky say:

"If you swim with the sharks, you're gonna get bit."

Awesome.